Can a child choose which parent to live with in NC?

7/23/2018

Updated 2/11/2022

Can a child choose which parent to live with in NC?

Children are not able to simply choose which parent they want to live with under North Carolina law. That being said, a child’s wishes can be taken into consideration by a judge during a custody trial. How much weight their preference is given by the judge is totally up to the judge. Factors considered by a judge in evaluating the wishes of a child are the age and maturity of the child along with the rationale for their opinion.

Why can’t children decide where they want to live?

Imagine a child who wants to live with mom or dad because that parent lets them do whatever they want such as play video-games all day or stay out with friends all night. Children often make bad decisions that are not in their best interest. North Carolina law directs our judges to award custody based on the “best interest” standard and this may or may not align with what a child wants or needs.

What age can a child decide which parent to live with in NC?

There is no magic age number when a child can decide who to live with under North Carolina law. When a child turns age 18 and becomes an adult they can choose to live wherever they want, but before then a judge can dictate where that child must live.

Can children tell the Judge who they want to live with?

A judge may talk to a child in chambers under NC law if both parents to the custody action consent. If one party objects then the only way the judge can hear directly from the child is if one parent calls the minor child to the witness stand to testify under oath. Be aware that even if all parties consent the judge can refuse to speak with minor children in chambers. Many judges do not feel it is appropriate to bring a child into the courthouse unless it absolutely necessary as young children often express to the judge in chambers they want to spend equal time with both parents and wish they could be a family again. In addition a judge is not going to come out and directly ask a young child who they want to live with instead they often ask questions such as the following:

Tell me about spending time at Mom’s house.
Tell me about spending time at Dad’s house.
What fun activities do you do with Mom or Dad?
How is school work done at each house?
Tell me about your neighborhood or room at Mom or Dad’s house.

My child wants to live with me

Children often tell both parents they want to live with them at times. Children usually want to please their parents and they often wish they could live with both parents as a family so in their mind there is no inconsistency. Just because your child says they want to live with you full time and they want to tell that to a judge does not mean they will actually say that to a judge in private.

Will a judge listen to a child in NC?

No judge is bound by the wishes of a child in determining custody under North Carolina law. It is important to know your judge in deciding whether to have your child in court. Sometimes bringing a young child can backfire on a parent if the judge feels that parent has coached or influenced the child. Parental alienation does exist and if your child is adamant they want to live with you the other parent or attorney will be arguing that in court. What weight a judge gives to wishes of a child is merely a part of determining what is in the best interest of the child.

Griffin v. Griffin, 81 N.C.App. 665 (N.C.App. 1986)
The court awarded custody to father despite the children expressing a desire to live with the mother. The court cited case law in stating the “wishes of a child of sufficient age to exercise discretion in choosing a custodian are entitled to considerable weight when the contest is between the parents, but these wishes are not controlling.” In denying the request of the children the court found both parents attempted to manipulate the children and therefore discounted their desire to live with mother.

At what age will a judge listen to a child in NC?

There is not specific age when a child “knows” what is in their best interest. Some children are mature enough to have a reasoned opinion at age 10 and some certainly are not. The wishes of a 5 year old are not going to be given much weight under most circumstances. The wishes of a 16 year likely are going to be considerable weight assuming the desire of the teenager is based on pure motives.

Can a 15 year old choose which parent to live with?

The older the child the more weight the judge is likely to give to their wishes as they are theoretically of an age to better understand the consequences of their decision. The other main reason is a teenager can make the life of parent a living hell by running away and being disobedient if they so choose. Imagine keeping a child with a car from driving to see the other parent if that is where they want to live.

Kowalick v. Kowalick, 129 N.C.App. 781 (N.C.App. 1998)
The court found a 13 year girl had a strong desire to live with her mother and constituted a substantial change of circumstance to modify custody to be with mother. In so doing the court found the child was "of suitable age and maturity to express a preference as to where she should reside and has consistently desired to live with her mother since the spring of 1996," and that the child had "indicated her strong desire to live with her mother and indicated that she would be extraordinarily unhappy if the court did not recognize her request and that she would continue her efforts to try to live with her mother."

Can children testify about where they want to live?

Any competent witness may testify in court and this can include children. There is no minimum age a witness must be to testify, but calling a 5 year old to the stand is often counterproductive and potentially stressful for that child. Also- calling a child to the stand to have them say they want to live with one parent over the other puts that child in a no-win situation because they are invariably going to disappoint one parent.

Can a child refuse to go to visitation in NC?

Practically speaking an older child could certainly refuse visitation by fighting or running away. The police are not going to drag your kid from one parent’s house to the other unless specifically ordered to do so by a Judge which is rarely done because it would likely do more harm than good. That being said, the custodial parent opens themselves up to a contempt motion for failure to abide by a visitation schedule in a court order. At a contempt hearing the judge is likely to ask the offending parent why the child does not want to visit the other parent. Assuming there is no good basis such as abuse at the other home the following criteria are likely to be used in determining whether that parent should be held in contempt of court.

What efforts has the offending parent made to encourage the child to visit the other parent?
How old is the child and what is their size and strength compared to the parent?
What would that parent do if the child refused to attend school? Did they make those same efforts to compel visitation?
What privileges has the parent taken away from a child who refuses to follow the visitation schedule? No TV, no internet, no allowance, no special activities?

At what age can a child stop visitation with the non-custodial parent?

There is no magic age under North Carolina law when a child can unilaterally stop visitation pursuant to a valid court order. Just as a child can’t choose who they want to live with they can’t choose whether they have to abide by a visitation schedule with a parent they don’t want to see.

Can a parent be punished for not forcing visitation?

A party can be held in contempt for willful violation of a court order. This willful violation can include not doing enough to make sure visitation happens as ordered by the court. There is a fine line between a parent violating a visitation order and the child actively resisting visitation to the point the parent can’t compel visitation.

Hancock v. Hancock, 122 N.C.App. 415 (N.C.App. 1996)
The court found insufficient evidence to support a finding that mom willfully refused to allow father visitation with the child. The court finds there must be a showing that the custodial parent deliberately interfered with or frustrated the noncustodial parent's visitation before the custodial parent's actions can be considered willful. In this case the mother actively encouraged the child to visit the father and did everything short of physical force or threat of punishment, but the child simply refused to cooperate.

Baines v. Baines, 738 S.E.2d 829 (N.C.App. 2013)
The court found the mother in contempt for denying the father visitation with the child. The mother argued she did so under concern for the safety of the minor child, but the court still found she violated the order.

Can a child refuse court ordered visitation in NC?

A child is not free to decide whether or not they have to visit a parent- the court order controls- not the child. That being said, a child is not going to be held in contempt, but a parent who willfully allows this to happen certainly can be held in criminal or civil contempt of court.

Can a child be forced to visit a parent?

A judge can order a child to visit with a parent against their wishes. How this is accomplished practically can sometimes be a nightmare depending on the age and determination of the child to resist. Before a child is ordered to visit a parent they do not want to see under any circumstances a judge may order such visitation initially take place at a therapist’s office to minimize the stress on the minor child.

75 Comments

Destiny Greene link

2/16/2020 04:03:24 pm

Please respond to me,my mother is in prison and I am being forced to stay with my father and I want to stay with my aunt I’ve stayed with her before my mother said I can stay with my aunt but my father won’t let me and I feel like I’m being held hostage I don’t feel comfortable here. Please contact me back ASAP

Jason Witt

2/16/2020 05:24:26 pm

There is a strong presumption that children live with a biological parent before a relative unless a parent has done something to be an unfit parent. If you want to live with your aunt you need to encourage her to contact a local attorney about filing a custody action.

JERRY Lawson.c J

5/28/2021 10:42:51 am

My granddaughter is in foster care in North Carolina in Mint Hill she turn 18 July 16 this year. And she won't to live with us in South Carolina. We just need to know what time she can leave the foster home. We where told that she could leave at 12:00 midnight as soon she turn 18.I just dont wont to break the law but I don't won't her to be on the street at night

5/28/2021 01:39:47 pm

I do not have any experience with foster care, but an 18 year is an adult in North Carolina.

Dimeia Davis

8/10/2022 08:21:14 pm

I was in the foster care system. I was in foster care at Falcon Childrens Home and I called my grandfather and told him to come and pick me up as soon as I turned 18. You are considered an adult in NC at age 18 and you can pick your grand daughter up as soon as she turns 18. No harm or court proceedings. I wish you all the best.

Heather

3/29/2020 06:17:06 pm

My ex-husband has primary physical custody of our children (ages 16, 14, & 11) because, at the time of our divorce and custody battle, I was still active duty in the Army while he was a civilian. I have my children every other Wed-Sun. After almost 10 years of this arrangement, my children have reached the point of unhappiness that they have repeatedly stated “if I/we can’t primarily live with you, I/we are going to run away.” I’ve always been able to talk them out of such drastic measures but my children are now adamant that they want to live primarily with me. I am retired from the Army, home all day, and certainly capable of providing care for them 24/7. I have no desire to keep their father from spending time with them but, as my children have made abundantly clear, they would be much happier living primarily with me. Their father and stepmother are, in my opinion, verbally and emotionally abusive to them (constantly belittling them and then making fun of them if they cry due to the cruel things they say to/about them, calling them names, etc) as well as neglectful and making poor choices regarding the children’s safety (heavily drinking around them, allowing the kids to drink sips of their alcoholic beverages, forcing my eldest child to do hard manual labor via yard work despite the fact that she was recently in a serious car accident and her physical therapist telling my ex-husband and his wife that she - my eldest daughter - absolutely cannot lift over 5lbs including written statements that say she is unable to do manual labor without risk of injuring her back, neck, and shoulders even further). All 3 of my children called me today stating that, if I don’t come pick them up and get them away from their father and stepmom immediately, they are going to run away during the night tonight. What legal options do I have? I certainly don’t want my children to run away from home and want them to be safe, healthy, happy, and loved; but since their father has primary legal custody, what options do I have that won’t result in me being arrested and/or sent to jail?

3/30/2020 10:40:49 am

Sounds like a Motion to Modify Custody is long overdue. The problem is with Corona having the courthouse essentially closed you will not be able to see a Judge for likely several months.

Sarah

4/3/2020 04:13:53 pm

My son's father and I have joint custody of our 12 yr old son. I have primary physical custody. Despite no contact/relationship since my son was an infant, his father was recently granted custody/visitation.

After several visits now, my son no longer wants to see his father. My son physically refused to leave with his father for a court-ordered 3 night visit. His father is threatening contempt proceedings, arrest, etc.

I'm certain there will be an emergency petition of some sort by my son's father. How quickly is this likely to happen given the pandemic? Am I likely to be found in contempt and arrested? For how long would I be incarcerated? Also, can the police forceably make my son go with his father for the next scheduled visit? I advised my son that he was ordered by a judge to see his father, and his father told him I would be arrested. My son still refused.

My attorney clearly dropped the ball and I have no confidence in his ability to assist me any further. Thank you for your assistance.

4/3/2020 05:29:56 pm

I would suggest having a phone consultation with a local attorney- answers to your questions may vary dramatically by jurisdiction and judge.

Jane link

4/26/2020 04:50:31 pm

A non blood related has had my 9 year old physically and jointly since 2013. I had visitation and joint custody until 2017 until her dad took it to court and it was held in their residence district which I couldn't make so I lost both. The person that has her we use to be close like family close and we work together before. Both me and her dad have had plenty of problems over the years with her. Because she like on a power trip and wants everything be done their court i haven been the perfect mother but I'm a good place in my life and have been talking to my daughter so i was thinking bout going back to meditation for visits again. Can i ask straight forward for weekends? Since I'm stable in every area and cant be considered a unfit mother can I just go ahead and regain full or joint custody to her dad after all these years. I have a 4 year old now. But the lady that has my daughter doesn't want my fiance. The man who watched me give bieh to her and help raised her for e years. Because dss said it. Because he failed a drug test. Yes dss was involved in both my kids but I never lost the kid I have now at home. That's gonna be her game play require drug test before visits. I just wanna know which way I should go. Because I sure as hell dont have money to fill for custody and pay for a lawyer. And would a judge go with what the noncoustidol guardian that my child would have to see her in a court order. Thank u

4/27/2020 02:00:05 pm

For specific legal advice regarding modification of a existing court order you would need a local attorney to review the file.

Julia Curry

5/27/2020 10:25:14 pm

Hello. I am a fourteen year old girl who needs help. My father has had custody of me, my brother, and my sister for as long as I can remember. He has emotionally abused all three of us and has physically abused my brother. My brother left the house when he was sixteen or seventeen. He did everything he could to get out and he was able to. My sister just moved out because she is nineteen and she just can’t live with him any longer. He peer pressured her into joining the Air Force because that’s what he did, and she was discharged due to injury. When she told him she wouldn’t be returning, he got extremely mad. She just recently got in contact with my mother. He has done everything he can to keep us away from her and my brother, and I just can’t live with him anymore. I want to get out. I want to live with her. Is there any way I can get help and do this the right and legal way?

5/28/2020 11:50:35 am

You should see if your mother or sister can talk to a local attorney about filing a motion to change custody.

Scott

6/9/2020 11:30:17 pm

Me and my ex wife have a 50/50 custody set from our divorce 5 years ago with our girls (8, 7, 5 currently) and done so through my lawyer at the time. 5 years ago they were very young and did not understand what was happening. Now they are getting older and understand that me and there mother aren't going to be back together (especially since she remarried). They tell me a lot of times, without me asking or making mention of it, that they would rather live with me over her because I do more with and for them. Such things as play with them, do homework, pay them attention etc etc. Things I see as normal, they see as something they don't receive at their mothers. I could go into various situations that raised questions as to her ability or desire to care for them but none that I think would necessarily warrant her custody being removed or altered to where I have primary care. To my knowledge as long as they have food, water and shelter (among other things like AC/heat for example) and she is not abusing them, then there is no wrong done necessarily. My question is, what would I have to do to consider taking full custody if I feel like they should be with myself solely. As with any summary, there are more details but I'll leave it at that.

6/10/2020 12:02:24 pm

Any answer of substance would require an in depth conversation with a local attorney about your chances in court are being awarded primary custody.

Dee

6/13/2020 06:37:39 pm

I have court ordered child support for my daughter, but not a custody order (to my knowledge), her mother and I have always worked out visitation between the 2 of us. she is a teenager now and wants to stay with me full time. Is there anything that we would legally need to do to make that happen??

6/13/2020 07:35:53 pm

You should speak with a local attorney before you do anything. My guess is Mom will freak out if your daughter ups and just moves in with you one day and may seek some sort of emergency custody order based on false allegations. This is especially true if you live in different states.

Kaley Soltesz

7/6/2020 03:59:39 pm

Hi. I have primary custody of my daughter and I live in Arizona. Her father has visit rights for holidays or breaks. The court order is from North Carolina, about 12 years ago. My daughter is now 15. She does not want to go see her father or talk to him right now. He is saying mean things and is currently in therapy over some of the things he has said and done. Are we going to be penalized for not sending her to see her father if she does not want to go?

7/6/2020 05:40:25 pm

If you want to modify a court order then you need to file a motion to modify, otherwise the order remains in effect. My suggestion is to speak with a local attorney before not following the current court order as children generally do not get to decide if they see the other parent.

Monica Staley

7/10/2020 01:36:20 pm

Hi. Im 17 im going to be 18 this october and im stuck in a bad situation. Recently I went to visit my dad since me and my mom live at the hotel that she works at the owner said I could not come back. I've lived with my mom my entire life. And my godfather asked of I wanted to live with him and I said yes I stayed there for almost a month no text or phone call from my dad the whole time so I figured he was ok with it. Last sunday he called and said that he was coming to get me and I really didnt want to go I told him I told my mom I told my godfather but they made me go. So we get half way down the street and my dad punches me in the face and pulls my hair causing he's car to get messed up. Now I don't feel safe staying with him and im really not supposed to live with him anyway. So I was wondering since my mom and I both want me to live with my godfather until i turn 18 in 3 months if I could legally stay there instead.

7/10/2020 02:31:54 pm

If he punched you in the face you should consider apply for a 50B restraining order, maybe even press criminal charges, and call DSS.

Priscilla Till

7/27/2020 02:02:49 pm

My 15 year old step daughter wants to be able to have a say when she goes to her mother's house. My husband has had primary custody since she was 1 years old. She stays with us half the week and half with her mom. She wants to decide when she goes there though. Will she have to go to court? My husband doesn't want to have to physically force her to go to her mother's house but the mom is saying she has no choice and must go there.

7/27/2020 05:51:09 pm

If there is already a court order in place then you must file a motion to modify to change the order if the other party will not agree to deviate from the order.

Tyson

8/3/2020 09:56:57 pm

My ex wife and I have 50/50 custody of our 3 kids ages 15,12, & 10. Due to things he was told during the custody battle my eldest son (15) refuses to come on my weekends. He will come occasionally but recently has started coming less. Is there anything I can do legally to get him to come in my weeks? Or is he old enough to make his choice?

8/4/2020 11:08:19 am

The court order still stands- your remedy is to file a motion to show cause to hold the mother in contempt for not following the order.

Amanda

8/26/2020 04:39:26 pm

My 16 yo wants to live with her dad against my wishes. We’ve been divorced for ten years. We have joint custody - 50/50. He pays child support. While I don’t agree with her decision to live with her dad, she is staying there and has voiced that she never wants to come back to my house. No abuse has ever taken place here. My question is if the child support is court-ordered, is he still required to pay while she works through her issues, however long that may take?

8/26/2020 09:36:32 pm

If the child lives with him full time he could potentially file a motion to modify or terminate child support at any time.

Rene

1/17/2022 07:11:02 pm

My situation is exactly the same but her dad wants me to drop child support and start paying him without going through the courts.

Tashenna Lowery

10/4/2020 11:35:23 am

I’m going through a separation and my husband is cheating on me with another woman. Only want the kids when he wants. Them and hasn’t helped me at all. I’m my son are 4 and 8! The father stays with his dad ! My kids don’t like going there he leaves them I. The middle of the night . My 8 year old has drunk moonshine. He keeps telling them things he is not suppose to. What am I entitled to ? What do I have to do to get full custody of my kids !

10/4/2020 03:12:21 pm

You need to speak with a local attorney about filing a court action for child custody.

Monroe

10/26/2020 10:13:21 pm

My ex wife and I have had joint custody (nothing on paper) of our two daughters (12 and 7) since our divorce in 2017. We at one point or another has physical custody of the girls. She currently has physical custody. Our 12 year old has on numerous occasions over the past 3 years said that she wants to live with me and not her mother. She has told her told mother the same. She has even gone as far as saying she’s going to run away or not get on an airplane when she’s supposed to go with her mother. Her mother tells her she doesn’t care. What is the likelihood that a judge will take the words of a well spoken and mature 12 year old?

10/27/2020 04:22:34 pm

You would need to speak with a local attorney who knows how the judges in that county think.

Joseph

11/22/2020 02:35:48 pm

My Grandson is 15. His home living condition is not sanitary. The home is filled with cat fecal matter and urine. The mother is a heavy drinker who has, in the past been convicted of driving while intoxicated level 1 and when intoxicated she physically abuses my grandson. She is also an animal hoarder with a large number of animals on another property and drops my grandson off to clean up after and feed the animals which, at times, last until after dark. She emotionally abuses him by using him as a manipulating pawn to get what she wants either out of him, us or his father. We have called DSS because of the unsanitary living conditions, but DSS calls to schedule a visit and she cleans everything up prior to the visit and then she punishes us by not allow us to see or visit our grandson. She has a boy friend who my grandson is afraid of because she has used him as a threat against my grandson. My grandson is extremely distraught about his situation. He is afraid to take action because he is afraid of the repercussion and because he still loves her, he doesn't want to disappoint or alienate her. We believe he needs to be out of this situation before something bad happens to him. We welcome him to come live with us, but if we take legal action and loose we are also afraid of the repercussions. What options do we and/or he have?

11/22/2020 08:08:34 pm

You could file a custody action, but there is a strong preference to keep custody with a parent. The biggest problem is DSS finds no problem upon investigation. You may want to consider hiring a private investigator or asking the child to take pictures and record audio of the abuse inside the house. Bottom line is you need to speak with a local attorney to explore all your options, but if the child is not willing to tell a judge or DSS what is happening then likely nothing will change.

celriah

12/2/2020 11:59:10 am

Hi... Im 17 year old daughter... My father has joint custody but I mostly stay with him and can only see my mother .. for my birthday and christmas .. also during the summer and over the last years I wanted to live with my mother but I cant because he has the say. I have been mentally unstable and this household is extremely toxic.. and I wish to live with my mother as she and I have talked about. If he disagrees with me going to live with her.. Will we have to go to court ?

12/2/2020 07:36:32 pm

You mom needs to speak with a local attorney about her options if your father wants to opposes any changes to the current order.

Steve Dixon

12/18/2020 08:59:07 am

My cousin's daughter was killed last week in a head on car crash. She has always had her 2 daughters, full custody since her divorce. They are from different dads. The oldest one's dad hasn't been in her life, offered to help out, or anything for the past 2 . He had visitation rights but didn't use them. Now all of a sudden he shows up with the law and they make the girl go with him. She was scared and didn't want to but they still made her. He supposedly has a past of some kind of trying something with his 2 stepdaughters. They have retained a lawyer. Is there anything they can do to get her back?

12/18/2020 09:34:51 am

There is a strong presumption for children to be placed with parents over extended family. That being said, you would need to speak with a local attorney about custody if you believe the actual father is unfit as a parent.

Casey Ray

12/22/2020 06:06:09 pm

My son is 16 yrs old . He lives with his dad full time . He will turn 18 yrs old right before he enters the 12th grade because he was held back a year. So my question is can he live with me when he turns 18 or will he have to remain with his dad because he will still be in school at 18? My son does not want to go to court he because he wants no drama between his dad and myself .

12/23/2020 10:12:37 am

Generally speaking an 18 year old is an adult and can live wherever they want.

Tera

2/15/2021 03:26:48 am

My husband and I are both active duty military and paying child support for our oldest son who lives in NC. We plan to move there in about 3 years, he is currently 6 and will be 7yrs this year (2021). My husband has never gone to court about custody, does the fact that we pay child support give us the right to visitation? Nothing has ever been done legally, I made him press for paying so we would have no barriers in seeing our son. I just want to know if we are indeed entitled to visitation. Also, each time he visits, we foot the bill. She pays for Nothing. We pay to fly my husband there to pick him up and then we pay for my husband to drop him off. What entitlements do we have until we can get in front of a judge and get something official? She is extremely ignorant, disrespectful, and difficult... it’s annoying and I’m tired of the back and forth and just want our children to be able to have a relationship with their eldest sibling.

2/15/2021 09:42:08 am

Sounds like he needs to file a court action for visitation to nail down his visitation time. Absent a court order either parent can withhold the child from the other.

Laura

3/3/2021 02:20:13 pm

Our grandchildren are 13 & 12 living in NC with our daughter, primary custody. Ex-husband (father) is a Detective for local law enforcement. Has every other weekend and every other holiday visitations... recorded that he drinks heavily in presents of Gkids, smokes, when granddaughter is allergic and causes migraines. Daughter talked to an attorney about modification quoted 10k up front and 100-200k. We live on the west coast and have seen our Gkids not often, His parents are allowed to have Gkids every summer. Gkids are not allowed to see us, as per him, we are out of state. His parents are in NJ. Pandemic, has caused financial hardship on our daughter...offered to all to live with us til pandemic is over or until she can get on her feet. He does NOT have child support taken out of his check, and only pays it when he feels like it. What can we do to help? We do not have 100-200k to help fight this custody battle...but we do have a large home with room for everyone.

3/3/2021 03:45:23 pm

She was quoted 100k-200k for a custody battle? That seems CRAZY high. She needs to interview some more lawyers.

C Tate

4/1/2021 05:14:07 pm

Help my granddaughter is court ordered to visit her dad but his girlfriend took her to buy the girlfriend drugs and my granddaughter reported it to cps. Not only did they not arrest the dad’s girlfriend now they are expecting her to go stay the weekend!!! By the way the girlfriend told my granddaughter, you make me want to kill myself”. Ok does anyone else think this is CRAZY!!!

4/1/2021 05:38:06 pm

Is there a court order in place? You should speak with a local attorney about filing a motion to suspend visitation via an emergency order.

ethan

4/23/2021 12:27:52 pm

hi im Ethan im seventeen and i lost my contact with my mama when i was 10 and i just found her and i really want to live with her and i plan to take it to court but i wonder what they will say i was adopted and then unadopted now in foster care and live in group home will it be smart to go to court

4/23/2021 01:02:34 pm

Practically speaking you rarely see custody disputes over 17 year old children because they are an adult at 18 and it can take months to get in front of a Judge. The other practical issue is who wants to try and keep a 17 year old from running away? When do you turn 18? Does your mom want you to live with her?

Niki

5/31/2021 08:47:50 pm

My husband and I are divorcing. We have a 5 year old ho is extremely bonded to me. His relationship with his father is not very good. We both work part time I work in the day, he works at night. He pays all household bills I pay all child expenses and food. In 5 years he has not given our child a bath… taken him to the doctor/dentist, even emergency room when needed because he says it is the woman’s job. I am in charge of all education of the child along with grooming and medical care and feeding. I want full legal and physical custody. The father says he will not sign over his rights or pay child support. He refuses to split marital assets. I’m fine with no support or assets all I want is full custody. My husband is a felon with a high school education and I am about to finish my Masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. My husband has been verbally, emotionally, mentally abusive for many years. He is also having an affair. What are the chances I could get full custody?

6/1/2021 09:28:28 am

For specific legal advice you would need to consult with a local attorney. Outcomes vary dramatically by county and by judge.

lisa

6/8/2021 10:37:17 pm

i have an 11yr. and 13 yr. old granddaughters, the 11yr. just told her mom she wants to live with her father and his girlfriend and her daughter. This father drinks on a daily basis and usually gets drunk every weekend.He pays no child support. The mother tries to keep the peace, but he will get high and call her and cuss her like a dog, if the 11yr.old goes to her fathers house we will never get to see her because when they are here on his weekend they are not allowed to call or have any contact with our family and we live maybe 5 to 6 miles apart.Just scared of losing a grandaughter.

6/9/2021 09:09:00 am

Is there a court order in place on custody? If not- then it may be time to get one.

Janie

9/13/2021 01:27:23 pm

Hello, my daughter was awarded primary custody of her boys, ages 8, 4, and 2. The dad gets them 3 weekends a month from Friday to Sunday. This is during the school year. Summers are split 50/50. The dad is a narcissist and is very manipulative. He showed his true colors in court. Even failed a drug test during the trial. Ofcourse, he had an excuse for that, which he thinks he was justified by. Now he is telling the oldest child things like in a few years he can choose who he stays with. He blames their mother for "taking them away from him". He tells the children this. He twists their minds and preys on their emotions. In the order, it states specifically that neither parent is to discuss the courts ruling or findings with the children. Yet, he does and does so as to cause a wedge in their relationship with their mother. He says these things openly in front of her to the children when they switch off. It's causing behavioral issues among other things. The children have a loving mother and they are well cared for by her. What can be done to make the dad stop reinforcing that the children can decide who they stay with in a few years?? And stop his manipulation?

9/14/2021 02:18:05 pm

If he is violating the terms of the court order then a Motion to Show Cause is often the best remedy.

Ericka

10/9/2021 11:18:09 pm

When my ex-husband and I separated I allowed our children to stay with him for consistency reasons (so they would attend the same school, live in the same house, etc.) and I would continue to go get them ready for school in the mornings and pick them up from school, help them with homework, etc. Now that we’re divorced I was and still am active in their lives. However, when he relocated I no longer saw them daily and this has been extremely difficult for me. I’m now able to care for them better financially and I’ve expressed my want to be the custodial parent, but he is putting up a fight. We coparent pretty well and we were awarded joint custody. Do I have a case to fight to be the custodial parent even if the kids are okay with the current arrangement?

10/10/2021 09:24:15 am

If there is no court order in place currently then the standard the judge must employ when determining custody is "best interest" of the children. The judge can give whatever weight to the desires of the children the judge feels appropriate, but is certainly not bound by the wishes of the children.

sam

12/12/2021 01:46:54 pm

my boyfriend is 17 and his parents are divorced. over the past year or so he is having a very hard time with living with his mother majority of the time, she is the custodial parent . his mental state is declining and he wants to go live with his dad, but his mother is very selfish and vindictive and will sometimes force him to come home when he goes to see his dad. when this happens it is on days my boyfriend chooses to go be with his dad, because he mentally is not able to handle his mother. he is looking for advice on how to approach this

12/12/2021 02:41:19 pm

When does he turn 18? Does his father want to have him full time? Why has his father not spoken to a family law attorney about a change in custody?

Randy

2/10/2022 04:28:36 pm

I share custody with my ex-wife, 50-50. My daughter does not want to live with her anymore. Her last boyfriend was physically abusive. They have been split up for 4 months now. She has a new boyfriend that my kids found out about when they went back to her house, because he is sleeping there. My almost 15 year old daughter doesn't know him, doesn't like him, and is scared of staying there. Her mom has been letting her stay with me a few extra nights, but my daughter doesn't want to go back. What are my options? DSS is still involved because of her last boyfriend's domestic abuse issues. The kids were never hit, only my ex. My daughter told DSS today that she didn't want to go back in front of my ex.

2/10/2022 05:00:49 pm

You need to speak with a local attorney about a Motion to Modify Custody and maybe even an emergency Motion based on abuse in the house.

June

7/3/2022 03:42:49 pm

My daughter's father is refusing to sign for her passport. She has been solely in my care since she was 1 and is now 10. He visits once or twice a year for a couple days and pays child support in intervals, but does no parenting. Is paying to file for sole custody the only way resolve this?

7/3/2022 06:04:55 pm

Why does he not want the child to have a passport? Is there no order on custody at this time? You could maybe threaten to file a motion to increase his child support.

Juan

7/4/2022 11:14:20 am

I have 50/50 joint custody of my daughter/13. No child support on either party. Recently daughter has started saying she doesn’t want to live with me bc I don’t allow her full unrestricted and unsupervised use of a smartphone while her mom does and I do not let her spend days or nights with a “boyfriend” at this age but her mom does. It’s got to a point where while she is here she is mean to her siblings and refuses to be a part of the family I guess you could say. If my ex wife was to take this to court again and my daughter goes and says “my dad controls me and is mean” what are the chances she could automatically be placed with her mom? I fear for her safety and well-being while she is there in the sense that she can do what she wants

7/4/2022 11:31:52 am

The decision unfortunately rests with the judge who happens to be assigned to your case. Different judges approach the same case very differently based on their inherent biases. You should speak with a local attorney to discuss ways to protect the status quo. That being said, a 13 year old can make your life a living hell if they want so keep that in mind.

7/22/2022 07:45:29 pm

11 and 13 year old daughter do not want to spend every other weekend with their dad anymore. They have expressed this over and over again. There's been a history of abuse, drugs, and alcohol for 10 years with his current wife. They go over there and he spends little to no time with them. He is mean to their half brother in front of them. I'm still struggling to get him to buy them proper bed sheets and pillows for the bed they sleep in over there. He sits and plays video games their whole weekend while they are basically forced to babysit their half siblings who are 8 and 3 years old. Could they tell a judge that the court order needs to be changed to no over nights, but maybe days where he can still spend time?

7/22/2022 07:55:33 pm

Children can certainly testify about their wishes, but a judge is still free to assign whatever weight to their testimony they feel is appropriate. For specific legal advice you should consult with a local attorney as different judges see can the same case very differently.

7/23/2022 02:08:07 pm

So a local lawyer can get the right judge that could possibly rule in their favor?

7/23/2022 02:15:01 pm

You generally can't pick your judge, but a local lawyer would provide the best insight into your chances of winning at trial based on their familiarity with local judges and how they typically rule.

Lily

8/8/2022 07:48:34 pm

I’m 15 about to be 16 in March my mom use to have full custody of us but now that my dad came back to nc he gets us every other weekend.which I have a problem with because I have a job and whenever I’m Over at my “dads” house which is really my aunts they make fun of me they say racist things ,they make fun of my weight and my body and they make my mental state way worse because they make jokes about my old scars ,idk what to do I don’t really wanna go over there or anything because the way they treat me and the conditions I have to live in over there like bed bugs,fleas, cat feces everywhere ,I have no privacy .I want to talk to the judge but i don’t know the best way to go about it or if the judge will do something about it .

8/8/2022 08:19:46 pm

You should speak to your mom or a therapist about your concerns. Your custodial parent would need to take the next steps to change any court order.

Mary

4/17/2023 03:44:48 pm

I have primary custody of my 13 yr old daughter. Her father has visitations every other weekend. She absolutely hates going to his house for many different reasons. I took care of my mom so us 3 lived together. Until my mom just passed away. We have been thinking about moving to just get away and have a fresh start. Where we would move is 3 hours away, but still in nc. Her father is treating me about moving and says that I cannot move or he will take me to court. As long as iam mot moving out of state isn't that fine? Also would I still be responsible for meeting at our current meeting place or would we then meet halfway?

4/17/2023 03:53:02 pm

Every case is unique, meaning you should speak with a local attorney who knows your local judges. Only a local attorney can best advise you on how to proceed.

Stephen

5/11/2023 10:50:11 am

My daughter's mother won't let her practice or play softball on "her time" bc it's "inconvenient" for her. If my daughter asks me to pick her up and take her to a tournament or practice can I do so? My daughter is 13 and we live in NC.

5/11/2023 03:53:21 pm

You need to have a local attorney review your current order and advise you on whether any potential action would violate your current order.

Mimi of 2

11/20/2023 05:12:21 am

NC Law does NOT protect the child. Family Law Judges rule in favor of visitation for both parents and even 50/50 unless the offending parent is in jail. Guardian ad litem play a significant role and sharing with the judge, what is observed. Unfortunately, he is permitted to lie to the judge misrepresent children have spoken.

If a child is having severe reaction to visitation, suffering from panic, attacks and anxiety at the thought of being with a particular parent, not eating, vomiting, and has told the judge that the child is ok with being with the other parent, it’s time to request a new guardian ad litem and for the attorney to strongly represent the child’s desire. That still doesn’t mean the judge in NC will rule in favor of the child’s desires!

It becomes necessary for the child to attend counseling sessions to learn coping mechanisms in order to survive. The objective of a qualified counselor is to listen to the child and help them handle the ruling of the negligent NC judge and disrespectful parent who has put his on desires and needs in front of the child’s mental and physical well-being.

If a child shares sexual abuse, the contempt is required by law to report it. It still does not mean the judge will listen—she might rule that the child is being manipulated and is taking a lie. Narcissism runs deep when it comes to family law.

NC Law is not in favor of the child’s best interest, as it primarily adheres to the false belief that the child needs both parents to become a competent adult.

Judges see so many cases that involve money as the motivator that they become hardened to the fact that some really just want their kids to be SAFE emotionally and physically.

My opinion is highly subjective to the expertise my granddaughters have had tooth the NC Family Court system.

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